My sister-in-law asked me how my physical changes I’d made over the last year had impacted me spiritually. I have thought about that a lot as I just kept going. I have found a love for myself that I have never had before. I have found a love for my physical strength that I didn’t know was there before. I think in that same light, I found mental strength as well (seriously, remember that 4:30 AM wake up call I took for almost an entire year … I’m working on that mental strength again, lol).
I think for me, my life is very chaotic. My kids start waking up at 6:00 AM and don’t go to sleep until 8:30 or 9:00 PM. I have a very small window of time to myself. In the evenings, I prefer to spend my time with my husband, and honestly, I hate working out at night most of the time. As I’ve set aside my mornings they have become SO precious and almost sacred to me. It is the only time that the other 7 people in my house are asleep. My house is TOTALLY calm, and totally quiet. I could get dressed, get my self ready and go for a short drive to the gym. I could pray in the car on the way for my day to have a good start. I could talk to my Father in Heaven for just a moment when the world just seemed to be asleep. The stars were shining and the air always crisp. Those moments, are so sacred. They’re peaceful. They’re MINE and no one else’s. I think those quiet mornings are when I pleaded for help most often with all I was doing. It was HARD to get up early, early, early. It was HARD to workout sometimes. It was HARD to eat what I was supposed to. I was HARD. When I got out of that car each morning, I left my stress behind. I focused on ME for 30 minutes. Just me. I lift weights for me, and not for anyone else. Know what? It’s scary to walk into a gym with super fit people who you later learn compete sometimes, and not be a fit person. Know what is amazing though? To look into those gym mirrors and finally see changes! But I always knew those changes were not made by me alone. There were mornings and days and times when I was carried, walked with, strengthened.
I saw God’s hand in my changes. I recognized that. I sought Him when I needed Him. I trusted that He was helping me on my journey.
Some might say that it’s just losing weight, or just getting fit. For me, all along, I knew it was more than that. It was finding ME. It was become ME. I was lost inside myself, and I knew there was a person BURSTING to come out, but I was being held back by my own fears and my own self doubts. I also knew that the only way I was going to be able to get to the finish line was with Him.
I’m not a size 2 or a size 4. I have lost quite a bit of weight, and would be fine losing some more. I think the best thing that happened to me was that I learned to love ME. I learned that I am okay. I am okay if I’m not super skinny, or if I’m not super fit showing every muscle. I sometimes wouldn’t mind, lol, but I’m okay NOT being that person too. I’m okay being average. I’m okay with me and how I am living my life now. I’m exercising more, and teaching my kids the importance of that. I’m eating better, and so is my family, and that is important. I’m still eating brownies and ice cream sometimes, and that’s important too!
I think as I took my journey to be healthy and lose some weight, I found myself. Part of finding myself was seeking out the help of the Lord to figure out WHY I was on my journey in the first place, and where I wanted to end up, and WHY I wanted to end up there. As I took a close look at those things, I naturally looked closer to heaven, and received the help that I needed. I think the biggest thing that has changed was learning to love my body and being SO grateful for all that it can do!! I made more than physical changes as I learned how to be healthy. I gained a greater sense of myself and a greater testimony that I can turn to my Savior for anything I need help with.