Sometimes my house gets loud. The kids are running around, playing, fighting, playing super heroes, or house, or racing. There are so many things that are going on at various times that it’s bound to get loud sometimes. Sometimes, in those moments, I have to yell. Not in the mean mom way, just in a way to even be heard over all that’s going on.
However, there are the moments when I lose it. When I can’t handle what’s going on, or what someone is doing, or what they’ve done to another sibling, or to me. I’d yell, I’d get upset and I’d be so irritated. Then, I’d be upset with myself for the way I acted.
Then, I noticed that they were yelling at each other. They weren’t speaking kindly. They weren’t problem solving like I’d been trying to teach them. That’s the problem. I’d been teaching them in the wrong way. I knew that I had to change something. I had to change the action that was, unfortunately, clearly as loud as my words were.
I had to figure out how to stop yelling at my kids. It wasn’t even an option any more. It was something that HAD to be done. So, I decided I was going to do it.
5 Tips on How to Stop Yelling at your Kids
1. Make the choice. Just like anything that is going to actually get done in life, you HAVE to make that choice. You have to make it every single time that something happens, and you’d normally raise your voice. This is mandatory. You also won’t be perfect every day, but if really, this will always be the number one thing for everything else, is to just decide that you’re done yelling.
2. Get on their level. If you’ve got younger kids get down to their level – or bring them up to yours (as in, but them on a chair, or something, lol). My kids are SO much better at paying attention to what I’m saying if I’m at their level looking at them. I may have to remind them to look at my eyes very often, but at least we are both there, and they can look at my eyes easily. They aren’t straining their neck to look at me while I scream at them from so far away.
3. TALK to them. Don’t yell, but make sure they still understand that you mean business and you aren’t just being a get away with anything mom. You need to make sure that you’re following through with any consequence that you’ve told them you’d give them. You don’t have to scream and yell to follow through with things. You can get down on their level, and explain that you’ve talked about things, and that since they still didn’t do A, then B will now be happening.
4. Take a moment for yourself before talking to your child if necessary. Go into the bathroom, or you bedroom, the closet, where ever you can have a moment to yourself. Take a few deep breaths and just really take that moment and figure things out. What do you need to say to your child, or teach them. What will be the best thing to say to teach them the things they are struggling with. Think things through before you just barge in on the situation.
5. LISTEN to your child. If you’re going to ask what happened, let them tell you!! If you’re going to ask why they did something, let them tell you! Sometimes kids have to think things through, and figure out how to say something. Give them time to do that. You may be surprised what they have to say if you take the time to listen to them in the heat of the moment. Their intentions may have been much better than you think, or there may have been an honest mistake, or there may totally not have been a mistake. I think when kids know you’re willing to listen and not yell at them after they tell you the truth, then they’re more willing to be open with you in the end. Don’t let them get away with everything, but they need to know that even if they must have a consequence, they can at least know that no matter what, you’ll still love them.
These are a few things that I’ve seen help me when I have wondered how to stop yelling at my kids. I truly feel like as I really make the effort to do this, my house, even if it’s loud, it’s so much more peaceful. There is more good than crazy, and we are all better about interacting with one another.